tanked his fears & tradition stealing

i've been taking brennan to the aquarium for months.

he is always too scared to touch the sea stuff in the touching ponds.

apparently dad was the magic trick.
so proud of the pork loin for facing his sea life fears;-)

such a champ!

after he did it twice there was no stopping him.

he wanted to touch it all.

even mr. ray.

his favorite part of the entire trip?

looking at dad through the short people tanks.

i don't even think he realized his favorite fish was in there.

"i'm so glad when daddy comes home..."

me too little loin, me too.

...

in other news...

the scout master introduced me to his teacher at the FINAL final party yesterday.

"this is my wife and she's started doing her kegels."

say what??!!

sigh.

so embarrassing.

not only did the teacher (i believe his name was jim) give me a slap on the back and a BIG smile, but the other two classmates standing in the circle with us gave me thumbs up.

bright red went the color of my face.

what was the only logical response i could fester up in a panic?

"they're working great too! i've noticed a big difference in the past week."

oh yes, i went there.

and then i wanted to crawl under the table.

my birthday present arrived two days ago.

the scout master is putting it together for me.

bless him.

and i quote,

"oh gosh, there are 73 steps if i want to attach both cup holders."

good thing there aren't 74, right stace;-)

and bree, you still need a kitchen aid and a microwave more.

don't worry scout master, you only have to attach one of the cup holders for now, lol.

penguins are coming to our aquarium in march.

i'm super excited.

african penguins.

with big furry, bird looking eye brows.

the seahorse exhibit opened today.

it was "eh."

not so fancy as they said it was going to be.

my hair is getting cut in 53 minutes.

it's been 3 months.

i'm not as excited to go as i used to be to go get my hair done.

without the coloring and getting to sit under the warm head dryer with a book it feels less like pampering and more like an errand.

dang it.

it still needs a snip.

two sippy cups broke yesterday.

the stoppers have lost their stop.

is this from putting them on the bottom thing of the dishwasher instead of on the top in those basket things?

i've decided to spend some of my birthday money on some new ones so as not to break the budget.

i came within 70 cents of the budget this week.

and it just feels good.

what do you eat on christmas eve for dinner?

we're in need of some tradition stealing.

lucky charms

the scout master left these out on the table this morning.
we left him a note telling him there was no luck needed.
by "we" i mean "me" at 11:30pm last night i wrote a note and signed it "em, brennan, and max."
i think it's safe to say his message back was that WE are his lucky charms;-)
go daddy go!!!
the pork loin gets to the be marshmallows.
his choice.
i guess that makes me the sugar coated cereal.

the replacement.

i've been to every store within a 30 min radius of my house.
sounds unimpressive, but with a toddler in a coat that naps in the middle of the day it's a small miracle.
i've googled, i've "amazoned."
above is what i was able to gather the week before christmas.
donna, the assistant manager at target, told me i was lucky to find it.
apparently, nativity sets were a "hot item this year."
her words, not mine.
she informed me there are none at target in the entire state of utah.
she checked on her hand held device and showed me.
at least i didn't go to two targets before i found that piece of ditty out.
this one was not from target.
it's hand painted.
ceramic.
and looks absolutely NOTHING like the one brennan
crashed to smithereens.
there's was white.
it was 20 pieces.
with large camels.
there are no camels in this one.
and baby jesus looks a little questionable.
sigh.
this is not what i wanted.
i hope to deliver it tomorrow.
i've been working on "sorry" with the pork loin.
hopefully it will give the entire episode a little extra touch to win them over.
i used some of my birthday money to buy it.
i'm thinking i should have pulled the funds from brennan's college account.
that's what i really wanted to do.
there was no money left in the budget this week, and the funds had to come from somewhere.
then i thought it was more my fault than his, seeing as i am "the adult" now.
whatever that means.
...
the scout master takes his FINAL final tomorrow.
i was signed up to bring cookies to the FINAL final party.
"THE" cookies.
so i'm baking tonight.
it's a tasty job.
that requires lot of hand washing with the amount of tasting i do.
what can i say, i love the dough.
i don't eat the cookies.
just the dough.
with a large glass of milk that i refill at least once.
i've heard it does a body good.
...
my visiting teacher made the news today.
she delivered her baby at home around 1:30am this morning.
she did not plan on a home birth.
her water broke, she hurried to get dressed, and then she realized the baby was coming right then.
9lbs. 3 oz.
one more oz. and she would have had a brennan!
what a champ!
the really crazy part?
this makes 3 for 3 of her children born on dec. 15th.
click here for a 1 min. video clip of the story.
...
why do "they" clap at the stock exchange when all of the stocks are down???
someone, please explain.
the end.

caked.

the hand rest back in full force.
i must say, it's quite convenient and comfortable.
the acid reflux begins around lunch time.
much earlier than with brennan, when it came after dinner.
somehow i've managed to lose 2 lbs this week.
hate me.
i would if a pregnant woman said that to me in december.
but don't worry too much, i'm sure my scale is just broken.
or it's b/c i had 1/2 diet pepsi and 1/2 cherry pepsi on friday night, instead of my normal full force of dr. pepper.
i'm sure it's just a fluke.
but hot dog, it makes a pregnant woman feel like jumping up and down!
unless i have a full bladder.
or anything in my bladder for that matter.
then i don't want to jump up and down.
i'm on day 3 of doing 30 kegels a day.
i'm desperate for some jumping up and down.
or just coughing in general.
oh how i remember hearing the other teachers talking about this in the teacher's lounge, swearing it was never going to happen to me...
the physical therapist/scout master is proud of my kegel goal.
all of that education in strengthening the body may actually rub off on me.
or i may just end up having all of the surgeries Dr. N offers after all of the babies have come.
time will tell.
at least i'm considering the physical therapist way for once.
walking less, enjoying the ending weeks much more.
with brennan i counted down by the day.
with "max" (the nickname we're teaching brennan to call her) i'm aware of the weeks, but patient with the progress.
brennan taught me to love myself.
"max" is teaching me to enjoy pregnancy.
a little.
no lying here, pregnancy has it's ups and downs, but i'm grateful that God has given my body this amazing gift.
b/c that's what it is.
a gift.
one that i remind myself it is when i'm whining about how painful it's becoming to walk and turn over in the night.
one that i wanted so badly it hurt.
today's fears:
1. that i may have worried over all of my worries for absolutely no reason at all.
BUT, i'm still glad i'm going through the emotions of it all.
it's a growing process.
i write them down,
get them out,
and leave them behind.
2. the epidural
this one kept me up sat. night.
3 shots of adrenaline after my epi with brennan.
more fluids next time, says Dr. N.
ok.
can't do it without it, so enough talk of that.
3. that my water might actually break this time, and i don't know where that plastic mattress cover i bought when i was pregnant with brennan went...
...
in other news...
i finished da vinci code yesterday.
less than impressed.
it was good, but i could take it or leave it.
just give me angels and demons again.
i'll take that.
hunger games, you're next (compliments of ann marie).
the scout master won a set of boxing gloves from everlast.
it was from their friday giveaway on facebook.
i'm jealous.
not of the gloves.
just of the winning.
how many times have i entered TAMN's giveaways and never won a thing?!
every month people, every month.
brennan's favorite word, since yesterday, is "bye."
he says it crystal clear.
like "cookie."
"go, bye, go" he says.
every time he walks away from one of us, down the hall, or away from a toy he says, "bye."
i love that kid.
braxton hicks are in full force.
last time they scared me.
this time they make me happy.
no pain, just progess.
glad i don't have the painful ones.
at least not until Dr. N breaks my water.
hopefully at 39 weeks this time, not 41.
solely for the benefit of my pelvic floor.
from what Dr. N says, a few more 9 pounders and i'm caked.
so-TA-speaking.

leftover popcorn

i didn't have the heart to throw friday night's leftover popcorn out.
so glad i didn't.

1. melt any chocolate you like (i love white and semi-sweet or milk)
2. add oil to melted choc to make it runny for drizzling
3. lay popcorn out over wax paper in one layer, drizzle choc over top with a spoon
4. yum, my afternoon snack

spilled cup and a great laugh

projects.
i'm finding that when you're cooped up inside with a toddler, they need projects.
it's work to get the stuff out.
it's work to help them do it.
it's work to clean the stuff up.
but it's better than the whining of a bored toddler.
and it's better than having destruct-o toddler roar it's head.
not sure if i can do painting more than once a week.
hopefully santa will bring play-do.
and that the stork or Dr. N will bring the little lady before valentine's day.
it's officially painful to turn over at night.
and not in the same way it was with brennan.
so at the risk of sharing too much, we'll just leave it at that.
brennan spilled the water cup on his.

i still think it's quite charming:-)

...

"more videos" for the scout master.

i really wish i could find a way to make money off of my kid's laugh.

and sense of humor.

away WENT the mangerS.

what do you do when your kid breaks all of the mangers at the ward christmas party?

white porcelain and a wooden one from germany to be exact.

and i was standing 2 feet from him.

actually watching him.

imagine the slow motion "nooooooooooooooooooo" in the movies.

i curse you paper table cloths.

i curse you that your sound was intriguing to my pork loin's ears and eyes.

the 21 mo. old ears and eyes that had no idea the mangers on top of the paper table cloths would also be dragged off with the paper in his ripping pleasure.

first, i did what any responsible adult would do.

i looked around to see what other kid could have done it.

place the blame on someone else.

no other kids in sight.

dang it.

then i just stood there with my hands up to my face, staring at the fragments of ceramic wise men and camels on the ground, and my back turned to a gym full of 200 people that had instantly become silent.

the scout master confessed later that the reason it took him so long to come over to share the shame was b/c

A. he was hoping it wasn't really his kid that did it

(yeah, sooooo me too),

and

B. b/c he didn't want everyone to see that it was his kid that did it

(all this as i stood there by myself with a toddler staring up at me like, "mom, why did you just do that?")

don't worry, he eventually came over to share the shame.

i don't blame him.

i think i would have stayed away too.

i tried to blink myself away from the scene several times.

i stood there frozen as other ward members came to help pick up the pieces.

pretty sure my face was a brighter red than santa's suit.

would have made a ute fan proud.

after about 5 minutes i mustered the courage to make my way into the kitchen where the said owner of the porcelain manger was cleaning up.

at which point i completely held it together for about 20 seconds, and then totally broke down crying from utter embarrassment.

lovely woman to forgive me.

anyone know where i can find a good ceramic manger scene?

maybe quilted bear...

the wooden one was from germany.

bro. duggar lovingly said it wasn't a big deal.

i literally feel nauseated right now.

so that's it,

we're moving.

i can't show my face in the neighborhood ever again.

after we replace the mangers, of course.

...

winner of the

most supportive quote

of our incident goes to bree's husband:

"no biggie, they were only handcrafted figures handed down for four generations. they made it all the way in covered wagons to utah in 1850."

-matt strong, sent by text message

really, it did make us laugh and took some of the edge off, which is why it is the winner.

thank goodness for friends that know how to make you laugh.

if you can't laugh, what else is left?

nothing i say, nothing.

"oh-oo"

thanksgiving.

i never told you that he ate mostly marshmallows on thanksgiving.

and ham.

with my mom's honey glaze.

which is not what this post is about.

"oh-oo"
translation: yogurt.
that might not be what he says, but he says something like that standing by the fridge, and when i open it he goes straight for the yoplait.
the pork loin ate too much yogurt yesterday.
he is suffering the consequences this morning.
enough said.
he wants it morning, noon, and night.
sometimes i let him.
sometimes i don't.
yesterday i did.
now i feel badly.
at least it's snowing.
the weather has a lot of making up to do for missing my birthday.
it's doing a fairly good job.
i've woken up to fresh snow two mornings in a row.
one more morning and i'll consider last week's lack forgotten for another year.
i can't make any promises beyond that.
...
in other news...
the pork loin talks.
a lot.
but not around adults.
mainly with his friend wilder.
my child that i thought was mute is linguistically blessed around wilder.
it's funny.
Dr. N told me my weight gain is great.
bless him.
he then told me to enjoy the holiday season and gain a little extra for it.
bless him double.
the receptionist told me she liked my tummy.
i love them at Dr. N's office.
they were extra good for the soul yesterday.
the pork loin sounds snotty this morning.
our 3 week streak of health is coming to an end.
maybe this means we'll be healthy again by christmas???!!!
the scout master has 3 official days of classes left of physical therapy school.
but he doesn't graduate until may.
2 final internships are next.
we are excited.
i pushed around bob strollers with bree at usa baby on saturday.
it was fun.
they really know their stuff at usa baby.
the scout master and i went to our first open house.
it made me want to buy a house.
it also made me feel like an adult.
and weird, like i was invading someone's privacy by opening their closets.
so i would open a cabinet really fast and then close it really fast.
and it was just uncomfortable for me.
then it made me want to rent for the rest of my life.
the pork loin is getting his iron checked this morning.
he was a little low last time.
adieu.

sharing with compliance

this is what was going on behind me. i was feeling so awesome.
best mom ever.
brennan and wilder were playing so great with the dino's.
no one was hitting.
everyone was sharing with compliance.
and then they learned how to open the tv armoire.
and they found the cars dvd.
and now i'm just the same mom today as i was yesterday.
the one that gives in and let's them watch a show b/c darn it, it's 16* outside, and a movie just sounds good.
today's fears:
1. my house will be messy after baby #2. it's not the mess i'm actually worried about. i can do messy. it's the worry that i will be so tired that it will bother me then, when it wouldn't bother me now.
2. that my toddler, who has recently become extremely destructive when he's bored, will tear my house apart. i think this is more of a control issue than anything else. i will be nursing a baby, unable to move, and my toddler will be getting into "mommy's drawers" in the kitchen, and i won't be able to do a dang thing about.
3. that i will be nursing a baby in the morning, just wanting to sleep, but my toddler will be demanding my attention right at that moment. how do i feed both babies?
4. that i will want to go somewhere, but that by the time we are all fed, dressed, and put together it will be time to feed someone again.
5. that nursing might be just as hard the second time around.
6. that i will want to put the baby back inside of me after a week and go back to just the 1.
7. that i will become a hermit.
8. that brennan will hurt the new baby.
9. that i will neglect someone. brennan, new baby, sean, me, friend. you name it, someone's getting left out at some point.
10. that all of the things i swear i will never do when i have 2 kids, i will end up doing.
11. that brennan will be completely bored out of his mind, and i will have no energy to do anything about it.
12. that everything is going to change. (i realize this is inevitable.)
13. that i have to get on the scale today at the doctor, and that it bothers me, when it never did when i was pregnant with brennan.
ok, i feel better now that that's all out:-)
...
the scout master has requested "more videos" on the blog.
i give you,
the egg game.
30 second peek of what we did for over half an hour.

chuck norris. the end.

chuck norris, in his youth.

3 1/2 years.
i was making a boxed brownie mix tonight.
chuck norris, our beta fish, sits next to my kitchen aid mixer in the winter months.
the window sill just seems too cold for him unless it's summer.
i moved him to the counter a littler earlier this year, mainly b/c brennan's little fingers were getting into the water more frequently.
i feared the crashing sound and trauma of fish bowl all over my kitchen floor.
so tonight, while making brownies, i looked down as i added semi-sweet and white choc chips to my brownie mix.
chuck looked a tad white on his tummy.
wait, why can i see his tummy?
i've never seen his tummy before.
"sean, i think chuck is dead."
"what?! stop it."
"no really, i think chuck might be dead."
"he always looks dead. he's probably just sleeping."
i jiggle the bowl and turn it a few times.
nothing.
"i really think he's dead. yup, he's dead."
"what?!"
"this is sad. are we going to bury him?"
"it's the frozen tundra outside, and i don't even think we have a shovel."
"does that mean we have to flush him? i don't want to flush him."
"he's been with us forever. how long have we had him?"
"3 1/2 years, almost to date. i fed him this morning. i don't know if he was dead or alive, but he was definitely alive yesterday. this is sad."
and now he is sitting in his bowl in the center of our kitchen island.
and i'm thinking,
how long do you mourn a fish?
why do you mourn pets?
do they go to heaven?
did i really just imagine chuck joining our family in heaven?
that's a little far fetched.
if it was a dog, would that be less far fetched?
maybe i'll go out tomorrow and buy a new beta to put in the empty bowl.
how long do you mourn a fish?
it seems really silly to mourn a fish.
but totally unloving to not.
is this the pregnancy hormones?
i think i would be sad even without them.
so, what am i going to do with chuck though?
flushing just seems wrong.
and then i wonder,
do i really want a new fish?
if i have a fish, does that mean i have a "pet" so i don't have to have any other pets?
we had "dick the fish" growing up.
he died.
sandie waited for us to notice he wasn't there anymore.
2 months went by before any of us noticed.
we didn't get another fish.
i think i'll get a new fish.
or not.
and we're back to what to do with chuck again.
do we name the next one chuck norris the 2nd?
or do we have a "dick the fish" of our own?
did we name "dick the fish" after grandpa dick?
do i really want another fish???
...
a eulogy for chuck:
you survived 2 elementary classrooms.
1 where a little girl in the back row really had it in for you.
you lived through brennan's birth.
this was a feat within itself.
we barely lived through brennan's birth.
i'm not sure if you were fed for an entire week after we brought brennan home.
your water wasn't changed until brennan was 2 weeks old, that's for sure.
you had classroom babysitters on winter breaks when i was teaching.
you came back once with 3 inches of water that had zero visibility one year.
you had the prettiest colors.
red and blue, mixed in and faded at the tail.
and the coolest name.
sean and nick named you from a Guinness world record book in my classroom.
you survived two moves from one state to another in an ice cream tub.
chuck, we'll miss you on our counter.
the end.

and for heaven's sake,

i hope you haven't lost your sense of humor;-)